Not that I suppose you care, but how about you humor me for a moment. There may be something here that you could use in your act; I have been called funny in the past. Many of those times, I have been admittedly rather mean, so people just think that I am joking, but for your purpose, I don’t suppose it makes any difference how you get your laughs, similarly, you it doesn’t seem to matter to you how your actions have affected other people, or do you really just not care?
I am currently going through what can only be described as a difficult conclusion, to a lifelong horrendous painful journey, that currently has no end date. At 40+ years old, my life has been a mess, and it has been all down to one man, who like you, wanted something so took it. I have to be honest, he didn’t rape me, or drug me, but the abuse was as destructive to my life as no doubt your behavior was to your victims. The fact that they have had to give it a thought even once since it happens is one time to many. What makes you think you have the right to hold a place in their minds, unable to be cast out, unable to be forgotten and moved on from? The bodies age, the minds expand, careers are born, lived then lost, and throughout all of this, the niggle, the pain, the questions of what if, and the wonder of what could have been achieved, what could have been accomplished, how far they could have gone, and who would they have been had this not happened will burn through them at times of solitude.
All of these questions are real, and they don’t go away. Each relationship that breaks down, they will wonder if it was their fault, or was this outcome reactive of the actions of your selfishness.
After all these years of success and happiness, although I believe that a part of you must have known that one day, one of these women would speak up, is it not time to give up the fight? Ah, someone did speak up, and you paid them to not pursue the case! I remember reading about it and thinking… Ooh, if there is anyone else, they will now have the courage to come forward. I was right, there are now more than you possibly remember.
Compared to your victims, I have been lucky. I had a nervous breakdown, I lost everything, but I have the support of my family, help from the police who have taken this very seriously, and most importantly, to date, he has made an admission of wrong doing. He is still arguing the small points, but the fact that he made that one small admission has changed me. I feel alive again, I’m not looking for revenge, I’m not looking for money – my abuser wasn’t rich, he has nothing apart from a guilty conscience. I lost everything, and alone, I am the only one who will be able to change that and get anything. You have the money to help your victims, and they are victims. I know you disagree, and you believe that they all secretly wanted it, or were happy to go along with it to further their careers, but please understand, that whatever you think, the reality is heart-breaking. It became so bad, I had to talk, I had to put it on paper, and I’m sure that my abuser would much rather I didn’t. Give your victims a chance at life. If you believe you did nothing wrong, and that these are silly accusations with no merit, then submit to a lie detector – prove it! Until you do, you will be hounded, but when you are found to be lying, maybe you will then accept that your way was the wrong way, your taste was the wrong taste, and that the demise of many of these women’s health is solely in your hands. The weight of this will cripple you.
Don’t dismiss what these women are saying – you spent time with them, so you should do the right thing and admit that even though you don’t think you acted wrongly, your actions have contributed to the way that their lives have turned out, and take responsibility of the negative things that came from your actions, and not just the positives. A good career is not a positive outcome for them; it’s something that you could have given them without the drugged sex. If they were good enough to make it, your sex didn’t give them star quality, what is it you think you’re shooting out of there?
Read about it; see exactly what affect the sort of behavior you have displayed has on a woman. It’s not easy reading, but I will make it through, so please give your victims the same chance. God will judge you, but the numbers are not on your side at the moment. The longer you put it off, the harder you make it for everyone involved, including you. Your body is now getting frail, but not so frail that you can hope to leave this mortal coil before justice catches up with you, but frail enough that the time you have left will be with a heavy heart, and lonely days.
Do the right thing.