Todays marriage is becoming more an act of need than love. People get married based on need rather than love to the extend that throwing away years of marriage seems easy for couples these days. Just by opening any newspaper today you understand that divorce has become so common that even the most compatible couples like Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner, as well as Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez have joined the divorce bandwagon.
It is very depressing, specially for those who have experienced a divorce as years of love and companionship all go down the drain as if love never existed. When a partner cheats and there is no room for forgiveness, the relationship usually ends in a really nasty way. As a result, the couple as well as the children suffer and sustain lifelong pain and emotional scars.
In England (UK), there were 13 divorces an hour the last year, where about 50% of couples divorcing had at least one child aged under 16 living with the family. In most of the countries today It is expected that about 50% of marriages will end in divorce.
Fewer marriages, more divorces
In the European union 2.1 million marriages and 986 thousand divorces took place this last year, according to the most recent available for the EU as a whole. These figures may be expressed as 4.2 marriages for every 1 000 persons (in other words the crude marriage rate) and 2.0 divorces for every 1 000 persons (in other words the crude divorce rate).
Since 1965, the crude marriage rate in the EU has declined by close to 50 % in relative terms (from 7.8 per 1 000 persons in 1965 to 4.2 today). At the same time, the crude divorce rate increased from 0.8 per 1 000 persons in 1965 to 2.0 today. Part of this increase is due to the fact that in several Member States divorce was legalised during the period (for example, in Italy, Spain, Ireland and Malta).
During this last years the crude marriage rate was highest, among those EU Member States for which data are available, in Lithuania (6.9 marriages per 1 000 persons), Cyprus (6.4) and Malta (6.1). Crude marriage rates were higher in Albania (8.2 per 1 000 persons) and Turkey (7.9). The lowest crude marriage rates were reported for Slovenia and Bulgaria (3.0 marriages per 1 000 persons), Portugal (3.1), Luxembourg and Italy (both 3.2).
As regards divorce, during the last years, Ireland (0.6 per 1 000 persons), Slovenia (1.1 ) and several southern European Member States — Malta (0.8), Italy (0.9) and Greece (1.3) — had significantly lower crude divorce rates than several northern Member States, notably Latvia (3.5 per 1 000 persons), Lithuania and Denmark (both 3.4). Among the EFTA countries, candidate countries and potential candidates, the crude divorce rate in Montenegro was as low as in Malta. In all the EFTA countries, candidate countries and potential candidates for which data are available, the crude divorce rate was below 2.5 (per 1 000 persons).
Marriage and Divorce: The Statistics
Learn what the last years data reveals about who is getting married, when they're getting married, and who is most likely to divorce.
- The average age of a woman getting married in the United States is 27. " Bride's Magazine
- The average age of a man getting married in the United States is 29. " Bride's Magazine
- 88 percent of American men and women between the ages of 20 and 29 believe that they have a soul mate who is waiting for them. " University Wire, Louisiana State University
- 59 percent of marriages for women under the age of 18 end in divorce within 15 years. The divorce rate drops to 36 percent for those married at age 20 or older. " "Cohabitation, Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage in the United States," M.D. Bramlett and W.D. Mosher
- 60 percent of marriages for couples between the ages of 20 and 25 end in divorce. " National Center for Health Statistics
- 50 percent of all marriages in which the brides are 25 or older result in a failed marriage. " National Center for Health Statistics
- 65 percent of altar-bound men and women live together before getting married. " Bride's Magazine
- Research indicates that people who live together prior to getting married are more likely to have marriages that end in divorce. " The Boston Herald
- A recent study on cohabitation concluded that after five to seven years, only 21 percent of unmarried couples were still living together. " The Boston Heral
- 55 percent of cohabitating couples get married within five years of moving in together. Forty percent of couples who live together break up within that same time period. " Annual Review of Sociology
- Children of divorce have a higher risk of divorce when they marry, and an even higher risk if the person they marry comes from a divorced home. One study found that when the wife alone had experienced a parental divorce, her odds of divorce increased to 59 percent. When both spouses experienced parental divorce, the odds of divorce nearly tripled to 189 percent. " Journal of Marriage and the Family
- The likelihood that a woman will eventually marry is significantly lower for those who first had a child out of wedlock. By age 35, only 70 percent of all unwed mothers are married in contrast to 88 percent of women who have not had a child out of wedlock. " "Finding a Mate? The Marital and Cohabitation Histories of Unwed Mothers," Lawrence L. Wu and Barbara Wolfe
After reading the figures we rapidly understand the sad reality happening all over the world today. But in this depressing figures lies a particular story of a cheating husband who wanted to divorce his wife, a story that went all over the social medias today because of the wife’s surprising but brilliant response. As strange as it may seem, the wife didn’t get mad. Instead, she made a peculiar request to her husband before signing the divorce papers.
Reading the whole story made me realize that marriage troubles are inevitable but getting a divorce should be the last option. Sometimes, a touch of intimacy can save a crumbling relationship.
Cheating husband who wanted to divorce his wife
“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, ‘I’ve got something to tell you.’
She sat down and ate quietly. Again, I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce.
I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, ‘Why?’
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the fork she was using and shouted at me, ‘You are not a man!’
That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage.”
“But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane.
I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement, which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30 percent stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce, which I had obsessed over for several weeks, seemed to be firmer and clearer now.”
“The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: She didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: Our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning
I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions.
She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy.
Our son clapped behind us, ‘Daddy is holding mommy in his arms.’
His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over 30 feet with her in my arms.
She closed her eyes and said softly; ‘Don’t tell our son about the divorce.’
I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, we were more at ease. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face and her hair was graying!
Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute, I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again.
I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, ‘All my dresses have grown bigger.’
I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me — she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, ‘Dad, it’s time to carry mom out.’
To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life.
My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway.
Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.”
“But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, ‘I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.’
I drove to the office, jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind. I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, ‘Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.’
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.
‘Do you have a fever?’ she said. I moved her hand off my head.
‘Sorry, Jane,’ I said, ‘I won’t divorce. My marriage life was probably boring because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.’
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears.
I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card.
I smiled and wrote, ‘I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.’”
“That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed — dead.
My wife had been fighting cancer for months and I was too busy with Jane to even notice.”
“She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to keep the negativity away from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.
At least, in the eyes of our son, I’m a loving husband.
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship.
It is not the mansion, the car, property, or the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.
So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy.
Were you moved by this story? Don’t forget to share it with your loved ones.